Sequestering

It was the beginning of summer and because of a busted pipe we weren’t able to swim in our pool (I know - cue the world’s smallest violin). In order to prevent further leaking we had to plug the pool jets, meaning we couldn’t cycle the water for the better part of a month, which in turn caused our pool to develop more of a “swamp in the Everglades” quality than a “crack a cold one and float” vibe. 8 pounds of shock later and, eventually, the color of the water no longer resembled that of the tall fescue grass in our yard. Sadly, though, we still weren’t going to be able to swim until we could resolve leak issue.

Left to their own devices (pun TOTALLY intended), our kids would spend all day every day sequestered in their rooms watching Youtube and playing Roblox, so to save them from themselves we decided to take them to a nearby waterpark called Pelican Bay for a few hours (ok, now might be an appropriate time to actually cue the violins - waterparks are the worst.)

Pick Up The Baby

The word, empathy, which stems from the Greek word, Empatheia (em, ‘in’ + pathos, ‘feeling’) represents an individual’s ability to understand and relate to another person’s feelings. Empathy is a superpower, but it’s not some exclusive trait that only the best and brightest are privy to. It’s very much a skill that can be learned, but it does, however, require interacting with people who look, smell, sound, act, and believe differently than ourselves.

Toward the beginning of his career, during a late-stage interview with Microsoft, Satya Nadella, an Indian immigrant who two decades later would go on to become Microsoft’s 3rd CEO behind Bill Gates and Steve Balmer, was asked the following question:

“Imagine you see a baby lying in the street, and the baby is crying. What do you do?”

Satya’s reply: “You call 911.”

While his response represents a simple, prudent, and logical solution to the metaphorical problem at hand, it’s a prime example of missing the metaphorical forest for the trees. Technologists inherently seek to optimize, which makes total sense; we become what we pay attention to, so spend enough time around 0’s and 1’s and you’ll likely begin to reflect the essence of binary code, which is to say, programmed to optimize.

When the interview was over, the man who had been conducting the process warmly said to Satya, “You need some empathy, man. If a baby is laying on the street crying, you pick up the baby.”

To call 911 is to optimize for resolving the issue. To pick up the child is to demonstrate empathy in the process of resolving the issue.

Hip To Be Square

Some of the most empathetic people on the planet are elementary school teachers and childcare workers. Having taught in a lower school division for 13 years, it’s conventional wisdom to pick up a crying child. When it comes to child development, the point isn’t simply to optimize for solving the problem - it’s also to console, nurture, and educate the child.

Fun fact: a square IS a rectangle ISN’T a square.

Both squares and rectangles fall into the quadrilateral category; they are two-dimensional shapes with four sides, four vertices, and four angles. A square is a special kind of rectangle, one where all the sides have the same length. Meaning, due to the unique properties of its dimensions, a square can also be categorized as a rectangle, but a rectangle will only ever be just that - a rectangle.

The problem with optimization is that it’s incredibly narrow in its focus. It’s all about solving for efficiencies and thus all solutions are rectangular in nature - there’s one right answer and that answer necessarily will be the shortest distance from point a to point b. Yet, the very essence of humanity is defined not by efficiencies, but by inefficiencies. Yes, we should strive to be productive, work hard, and achieve as much as possible in this one life, but to do so simply for the sake of doing so completely misses the point of being human.

The WHOLE truth, as I postulate in a previous Musings (which you can find here), is that two things can be true at the same time. The joy of being human resides within our inefficiencies, which explains the cliche, “we’re human beings, not human doings.” I guess Huey Lewis and The News got it right - “it’s hip to be square.”

During his reimagining of Microsoft, Satya Nadella established empathy as a tenet for the company. No longer was it acceptable to simply optimize for the most efficient solutions; under Satya’s leadership, everything at Microsoft has been filtered through empathy, which has resulted in the company creating more human-centered technology solutions. And the results have been staggering. Since February 4th, 2014, Microsoft’s share price has gone from $38 a share to $337 a share (as of Market close on Friday, June 30), appromimately a 10x increase. To be sure, this has returned handsome, quantifiable profits to shareholders, but it has also leaked incalculable value to a much broader set of stakeholders.

The difference between META - the parent company of Facebook and Instagram, which, respectively, have torn at the fabric of our democracy and depressed teen girls - and Microsoft? The former is rectangular in nature and the latter is square. What sets the two companies apart?

Empathy.

A Not-So Affirmative Action

On June 29, 2023 the Supreme Court voted to overturn Affirmative Action, which consisted of programs that granted special consideration to historically marginalized groups, specifically racial minorities and women. These programs were specifically designed to help provide additional onramps to education and employment, which in a capitalist society, together create the peanut-butter and chocolate combination to improve one’s position in life.

Myth: for-profit companies and capitalists are inherently greedy, self-serving, and cut-throat.

I’ve come to embrace the idea of capitalism. Is it a perfect system? No. But, it’s probably the best construct humanity has developed for overall societal flourishing. Sadly, the aforementioned myth is a perception that young people in America are increasingly adopting. To which I ask, “where do you think a large portion non-profit funding originates?” The answer? Individual donations and corporate sponsorships.

Are there greedy, self-serving, and cut-throat for-profits and capitalists? Sure. Should anyone be able to aggregate enough money and power to purchase an influential media company for 44 billion dollars? Absolutely not. But these are fringe cases and perversions of capitalism as a societal construct.

The basic premise behind capitalism - i.e. for-profit enterprise - is that talented, hard working individuals can leverage their skills and with some grit and a bit of luck develop both economic and societal prosperity for themselves and loved ones.

This is the very foundation of The American Dream. Dreams, though, are just that - unrealized and sometimes fantastical reflections of what we hope for, not what we can reasonably expect.

Here’s the problem, at least as I see it - we’ve conflated The American Dream with true capitalism. Generally speaking, the notion of The American Dream has been rigged both by and for wealthy, white, heterosexual males since the country’s founding. Yes, we have made tremendous progress in America, particularly when it comes to women and higher education (during the 2018-19 academic year, approximately 74 men to 100 women graduated with a bachelor’s degree), but the Supreme Court’s not-so affirmative action here will almost certainly result in setbacks in terms of leveling the playing field for anyone who doesn’t fit the above criteria.

True capitalism, or what has been coined Conscious Capitalism by John Mackey, Founder and Co-CEO of Whole Foods, must be layered on top of a foundation of empathy. Prosperity is not a zero-sum game, but it certainly can devlolve into one when we become rectangular thinkers seeking only to optimize. We have a serious empathy problem in our nation and the unfortunate result is that we’re sequestering ourselves from our fellow Americans.

Emmanuel, King of Pelican Bay

Having grown up in the 90’s and early 2000’s, the “mall rat” era, one of my favorite pastimes has always been people watching - watching being the key word. My wife, Kathryn? Not so much. She’s never met a stranger.

Consequently, while sitting in our lounge chairs at Pelican Bay we couldn’t help but people watch. There was so much diversity in terms of race, ethnicity, age, build, gender, and fashion selection; it was beautiful tapestry of the human experience.

At one point, a young, African American boy who couldn’t have been more than 4yrs old came strutting by wearing a life-jacket and swim trunks that draped down to his feet. This boy had SWAG, and the mischievous look on his face spelled just one word:

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Kathryn elbowed me and whispered, “I NEED to talk to him. I bet he’s got things to say!”

After 30 minutes of being scorched by the summer sun, we opted to move to the edge of the kiddy pool in order to dip our feet in the water. And then, as if from nowhere, along came an unmistakable pair of swim trunks with a 4yr old attached.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E: “Hey, what’s your name?" he inquired with no shortage of sass

Kathryn: “My name is Kathryn. And this is Jamie.” she announced with reserved elation…her desire to chat this young man up was actually on the verge of happening, and she knew it

T-R-O-U-B-L-E: “Captain?” said with confusion and a hint of excitement. “Captain! I like that name! My name is Emmanuel.”

After a bit more small-talk, Kathryn and Emmanuel proceeded to play an unofficial game of Help Me, Captain!, where Emmanuel would purposely fall over into the water, extend his hand, and yell “help me, Captain!” We had enjoyed Emmanuel’s company for 10 minutes or so when his dad came over to tell him it was time to go. To which Emmanuel replied, “help me, Captain!” and started running away.

Suffice it to say, we all had a good laugh…that is until Emmanuel’s dad finally caught up with him and made him get out and dry off. At that point, he was beyond Captain’s help.

Shared Spaces

In ways that are eerily similar to my kids sequestering themselves with devices, having our own pool means we no longer have to subject ourselves to others when we want to go swimming (that is, unless our pipes break and we have a swamp in our backyard). Put another way, in purchasing a house with a pool, we’ve optimized our swimming experience.

Optimization, at least as it applies to socialization, is antithetical to empathy, which is a crucial component to developing deep and meaningful relationships. And isn’t that the point of a society? - a network of individuals interacting and cooperating with one another so as to ensure the functionality and wellbeing of the overall collective?

Howard Shultz, Founder and three-time CEO of Starbucks, understood the importance of public spaces and thus baked the idea of The Third Space - an informal gathering place outside of home and work - into the the very strategy of the company. The result? Starbucks has without question become the most successful coffee company in the history of the world, yet even it is facing a possible identity pivot with increased competition from innovative newcomers, such as Dutch Bros and Scooters, whose businesses rely almost exclusively on a drive-through only model (with drive-through serving as a synonym for optimization).

Amazon’s Prime Delivery service has resulted in countless mall closings. Innovations in home theater solutions and the emergence of streaming services have decimated movie theaters. Social networks, food delivery services, dating apps, and increasingly stimulating video-gaming platforms are leading the way in a structural shift away from IRL (In Real Life) experiences, especially amongst young people. These are all services designed around optimization; their core value proposition is convenience, which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but the ugly second-order effect of these new technologies is that we’re becoming sequestered.

If not at the mall, the movie theater, restaurants and bars, and sporting events, where are we going to run into those who are not like us? In other words, how are we going to develop empathy?

We need to fall back in love with analog and IRL experiences. We need to embrace and make investments in shared spaces. We need to remember that it’s hard to hate someone up close. We need to consciously and consistently find ways to interact with those who are not like us so that when we see a crying child in the street our first thought isn’t simply to call 911. Most importantly, we need to find ways to increase the serendipitous encounters we have with the Emmanuels of the world.

And so, I’m happy to report that our pool is fixed and we’ve been enjoying spending some downtime in its clear blue water.

I’m also happy to report that another trip to Pelican Bay is in our not-too-distant future.

Gratefully,